love visiting my archive of cute little voicemails from my cute little friends lol

Back in summer 2019, The Final Summer, a broken-hearted Spaniard / my spirit-brother Tombo took a train from Texas to California and stayed with Dante and me at our fortified compound on the Oakland-Berkeley border . . . and during this time he took many fine photos of my life and friends and the beautiful life we once shared. And now, seven years after those halcyon days have long since passed, sweet Tom has gifted me two more. ‘TWAS BITTERSWEET to gaze upon them, but thanks just the same, Tombo!

FULL-SIZE:

My sweet Dante 🥺

Pallas and me at the Berkeley Rose Garden, newly remastered!

(Just then, feeling weary of the world, and a long journey across the sea ahead of him, Ryan fell dick-first into a waking fever dream . . .)

“That is the land of lost content,” said a voice, “I see it shining plain.” Perhaps only Ryan heard it. “The happy highways where I went, and cannot come again . . .”

. . . it actually works!

wearing a fitted leather jacket feels like wearing a suit of armor. it also feels like wearing a hug.

(i wonder how many hugs i have given and received wearing my beloved denim jacket? surely thousands upon thousands. of course, i am a beloved celebrity . . .)

also:

. . . it’s true!

yeah dude lol

this is me

evaded by sleep once again. in a dream a voice had said: “calm down, calm down. you cannot possibly be surprised . . . they had told you it would be so. you used it all up and now the tank has run dry. there’s nothing left. it’s cold outside and we’ll have to get out and push the rest of the way. perhaps there may never be peace in the valley, but even from down here we can still see the stars . . .”

. . . here i am, preemptively feeling the full weight of the sadness of my departure alone at 5:30 am in ridgewood, new york. and as i finally close my eyes on the new york skyline outside monty’s window, i feel my entire body ache and go numb