29 November 2017

JOI ADVERTISEMENT: You look lonely.
ME: Yeah, duh. I’m extremely lonely. Do you want to be my friend and live in my house forever please.

I just want to go on record and say that, yes, I would date a hologram or a Replicant if I lived in a neon-lit dystopian hellhole called Los Angeles in the year 2049. I mean, who cares? Hologram People and Replicants are lonely too, man. If they are designed to mimic and learn from humans about being human, then they would feel lonely too, since that’s one of the defining characteristics of our doomed awful species.

In ‘Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?’, Deckard and Rachael (spoilers) totally bone all night in a hotel room. And you know what? They seemed to have a good ol time doing it. The few inhabitants left on Earth are all dying of dust-lung and eternal sadness, so who cares if a lonely android and a lonely human love each other, and occasionally get down and sloppy. Who is that hurting??

Hell, just go ahead and cut out the whole intimacy thing for me, why don’t you. I don’t even necessarily need to date one of them. I’ll just be friends with Hologram People and Replicants. I totally would, dude. We could get a house and live together. Not to sound like an asshole or whatever, but humans have wholly predictable boring behavioral patterns, so I don’t see what the difference is except that you know the person you’re chillin with is artificial (so??) . . and hey! maybe they’re also connected to the internet so they can tell you cool stuff. We already know they’re extremely strong and have an above-average intelligence. That sounds pretty good to me.

I would affirm their realness to them, because I know that would be a constant insecurity they would have . . . especially in a world that created them and also hates them. I would just like . . . hope they have hobbies and shit. If they didn’t, I would encourage them to find one. That seems like a healthier relationship!!!

Yeah so bring it on~

(Because I can’t resist commenting on the people who shared the theater with me: There is a scene in ‘Blade Runner 2049’ when something, uh, “emotional” happens between Officer K and Joi, his hologram girlfriend. It is very sad. All three times I saw the movie, a bunch of people in the audience laughed during this scene. Man, come on.)