I have instructed my robot secretary Ingrid not to take any calls tonight, and to reroute all written correspondence to a urinal at the Greyhound station in downtown Oakland.
Tonight, you see, is DUDES DONE WRONG. I anticipate that absolutely no one will show up, which is all right with me. In which case I will watch . . . well, I’m going to watch something, I’ll tell you that much!
(What did we watch last time? ‘The Wrestler’? Man, that movie rules a lot)
I am thinking that maybe September will be DUDES DOING WRONG month, in which case we will invert the theme. Instead of a Dude getting absolutely blasted into oblivion and clawing his way back into our shared three-dimensional hellreality one last time to get revenge for absolutely no reason other than having something to do, we could watch four movies about a Dude being a huge jerk and wronging people for his own amusement. Plenty of movies like that!!
Or should that be October . . . what with all the trickin that goes on round about then!!!
My other idea is to dedicate a whole month to one Dude, like Michael Caine or something. Anytime a Cool Dude dies, we have an emergency Dudes Done Wrong to honor that Fallen Dude. Like when Philip Seymour Hoffman bit the dust, we watched ‘The Master’ in absolute silence. Yeah. That was good. Michael Caine, thank the lord, is still with us— so why not, for one month, honor the living??
OK I’m going home now to do whatever it is I do. If you wanna come over, doors open at 8 p.m. There will maybe be food. I can make you this bowl of stuff that is boring but has a lot of protein. Yeah. Seeya later, punks.