If my friends and family carry out my last will and testament as I have painstakingly instructed them to, my tombstone in Antarctica will say something like:

“WE TOLD HIM NOT TO
BUT HE DID IT ANYWAY.”

Well, here I am telling myself not to publish this page—this weird shrine to some of the quote-unquote significant things I have made over the last few years, but here I am doing it anyway. I guess I just wanted a place to put it all. There will be more things here soon. For now, this is what I got. ☆彡

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ESSAYS / STORIES

VIDEOS

If you can believe it: I have had a camera pointed at me a few times in my life, and sometimes I am tasked with saying as many stupid things as I can within a four-to-five minute window. Other times I just show up, which is fine by me. It’s much easier to sit there and let the whole thing wash over you, and anyway god knows I have nothing to say anymore anyway.

•   •   •

The first video is a commercial my good friend Tim Rogers did for a game called DIVEKICK. This was back in August 2013, and almost exactly two months after I moved to the great state of California. As of this writing, the video has almost 48,000 views. What! These two guys came over to Tim’s old place in Emeryville, and we shot the thing in an afternoon. I had a really bad haircut and had decided, at that point in my life, that I needed to own orange jeans. Otherwise the video is pretty funny. I made faces and pretended to play a video game I’ve never actually played while facing a concrete wall. Well, here it is:

•   •   •

There used to be this house on 56th and San Pablo Ave. in North Oakland where a lot of my friends lived. I always called it “The Pipehouse” because it had a big-ass halfpipe in the backyard. And every summer they had this party in their backyard right there on the halfpipe, and a whole bunch of bands played. It was called Pipefest, and it was a hell of a thing. For three years in a row I helped produce a commercial for Pipefest. I improvised every line. My friends Hannah and Grant filmed it all. We filmed the first one with my phone, but the “”production values”” went up every year after that, which is not to say we spent any more money than we had previously ($0), but rather Grant was able to rent tens of thousands of dollars of camera equipment from his gig at the camera store. And so we were filming dumb trash with professional equipment, which is so sad I want to scream. The Pipehouse is gone now, and thus Pipefest is dead. My friends’ greedy landlord swooped in and killed the whole thing because it’s the Bay Area, and people want to sell their crappy old houses so they can be millionaires. Anyway here are the beautiful little videos my beautiful little friends and I made together when the world could still be beautiful. Yeah: