24 April 2019

MEANWHILE, in Ryan’s Fortified Compound in an Undisclosed Location on the Oakland-Berkeley Border. . . .

i’m sitting here in an EPSOM SALT BATH enriched with ARGAN OIL and i got me a BIG-ASS CUP OF GREEN TEA (all in an attempt to drive off the spleen and regulate the circulation) and i’m stir-crazy, jerry! i’m going nuts. that! ghostly wiring in my head! tugging at me! . . . till i am torn asunder! stung! and having dreams of night faces and driving in a black car.

i’m going to get out of this tub and i’m going to shave and finish a letter and then ride my bicycle. i have no idea where anyone is tonight so i’m gonna be alone with it. i need to buy my ticket to los angeles when i get back. maybe i’ll go two weeks from now, after laura and monty and i get back from gambling in reno. hmm.

i think i will make my trip to LA what you might call A LONG WEEKEND. i’ll fly down thursday night and drive back up monday night in a rental, or something. sarah said i can stay with her and i’ll bet amissa and amy would let me piecemeal it out there too. those are the only people i’m gonna hang out with because i haven’t seen any of them in a while. yes, that’s just what i’ll do!!!

earlier dante and i took a nap on my couch and when i woke up the back of my throat felt like the cone of a volcano. i must have picked something up in portland . . . i only kissed someone on the cheek, and only put a few things in my mouth, which i could itemize for the police if i really had to, so who really knows. i have a lot of work to do tonight on some stuff for this website so maybe i just won’t sleep, which will of course exasperate my phantom pain. i’ll make sure i’m good and comfortable while that’s happening~

ok~

love y’all~ ☆彡

p.s. ugh! my precious heart! aches!!