I just want to go on record and say that I have never once said “good morning” to someone

For some reason I don’t like the sound of it and don’t like having it said to me and so I have never said it to anyone else

If you shoot me a “good morning” you’d better believe you’re not getting anything more than a “what” or an “oh hey dude” out of me, cuz there ain’t no way this side of death I’m saying “good morning” to any of you jerks!!

I think it’s the baked-in optimism that drives me nuts. It’s too presumptuous!!! And almost always wrong!!! I’m not having a good morning, buddy, and I never will!!!

Listen: I don’t think people should verbally acknowledge each other until after lunch. Why can’t we just nod, or make sort of soft guttural noise until then? For god’s sake, man, nobody wants to talk in the morning! Especially to some sideways creep who broke the sacred silence with “good morning”!!

And finally, for whatever it’s worth, I do like “good-night” and have said it a whole bunch during my time here on planet earth

So that one is fine by me