I am going to Austria in a month to spread my grandmother’s ashes. My passport expires in November, and I guess certain countries won’t let you use a passport that is set to expire within three months of your travel date, and one of those countries is Austria. So today I woke up and got a new one at UC Berkeley because for some reason they offer that service.

But before that I had to get my picture took. A guy at a photo shop in downtown Berkeley did it for me for $11. It took about five minutes. He handed me my pictures in a cute little envelope. I took them out and said, “Yeah. I look like a criminal.” We shook hands and I left.

See here:


At the UC Berkeley passport place, the woman behind the counter said verbatim:

“We was just sayin you look like a movie star vampire. You look like Twilight. You glide in here all smooth.”

I said: “Noooooo!!! Ugh, OK.” But perhaps I do glide . . . it’s more fun to glide than not.

The damn thing will be here in two weeks! Can you believe that? Last time I got a passport, all the way back in 2008, was at some shitty little post office outside of Baltimore. I needed it right quick because I was spending a whole month in Japan. My old picture is somehow even worse, only because my hair is like stupidly long and bad. Well, what the hell. I lived with that one for a decade, so I can live with this one too. And hopefully we’ll all be dead soon anyway so we won’t have to live with anything anymore, for good or ill.


I’m home now. I slept all afternoon because I have residual strep symptoms and I hate myself and wish I were dead. So now I’m going to wander around Oakland and probably end up at Wolfhound, where I used to work, and hope to god my friends behind the bar take pity on my pitiful eyes! And maybe give me a free drink or two. Yeah.

Well: All hands bury the dead. Seeya later.