FOUR YEARS AGO TODAY a writer for the OAKLAND TRIBUNE descended upon all the East Bay donut shops asking unsuspecting proprietors if they were aware it was ‘National Donut Day’. Anyone who has ever worked WITH or AROUND donuts in the last five years could tell you that yes, of course you know when it’s National Donut Day, because your PLACE OF BUSINESS is filled with scores of white-bread-ass White People who have bought into the whole thing. I think on that day in 2014 we sold over a thousand donuts. It was so stupid. Like people took off work for it and shit. And many people were making the rounds . . . going to every donut shop in a 10-mile radius and collecting donuts from each like it was some sort of scavenger hunt. I guess this is what human beings do when they’re no longer being hunted by sabertooth tigers and traversing hundreds of miles on foot for potable water.

Anyway this is the face I made when this writer asked if I knew what day it was. It was 2 p.m. and I had dealt with the worst kinds of people all day long. She shoved a camera in my face and interrogated me about fuckin circle-shaped pastries, only telling me who she was after she’d filmed me without permission (lol)~


That’s me and all the other poor bastards who were unwittingly roped into this godawful excuse for whatever. I come in around the 30-second mark. It is a brief cameo. I guess she could tell I wasn’t into it.

Later, I went home and tried to kill myself with sleeping pills. It had been a very bad day indeed.

I’m just kidding!!!!!!!!!!sort of

Happy fuckin donut day. Who cares!!!!!!!!!!