man, i know that i’ve totally fucked up my life. whatever i had before is gone, or mostly gone, or in the process of fading away, but at any rate it’s all my fault. i’m not saying it can’t become something else . . . it always does. it’s just that i liked some things in my old life, and i don’t think i can’t get them back. you can’t really ever get anything back. thing is, i needed some of those things to survive. it is so exhausting to find new things to help me survive. it’s tough as hell and i’m doing it straight but i miss it all so much i could die. at night i just read books and exercise. i go on walks and stuff like that. it’s so damn lonely anymore . . . a barb of sorrow lodging in my heart! and all that. i got poetry in me. i got some love! won’t somebody?? please?? help me?? with my memories????

ugh well what the hell man

what’re ya gonna do, really, when it comes down to it, except go to sleep and wake up again and see what happens