I finally finished this outside of the Wolfhound last night. I’m reading like ten other books so I took it Real Slow. Man, it’s good. And also Osamu Dazai fuckin killed himself like a few months after it was published. Hell yeah dude, why not.

OK! First person to Paypal me $2.50 for postage gets it.

Have you ever watched someone become NO LONGER HUMAN? That is what this book “”explores””. I have seen it happen several times. It is the ultimate terror. (I think, maybe, I have seen this in my own brother. Gulp~) There is a sort of utter darkness in their eyes and gazing into this darkness you find nothing but sawdust and shredded newspaper swirling silently in an empty void. And it is in that air-thin moment that you know you are in the presence of a monstrously scary unfeeling sort of quasi-person.

In other words: THERE IS NO ONE AT THE CONTROLS, AND NO ONE TENDING THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. Just sparks in the dark, man . . . the mere suggestion of a human! Creeping Jesus, dude. That ain’t no good.

This book right here is about a guy pretending to be human because he doesn’t feel human at all. I mean, yeah duh I often feel embarrassed and shameful to be the same thing as the rest of these things, but uh . . . I have an internal life and a hardcoded personality that is mine and mine alone. This guy pretends because being human is a slippery notion to him that he can only emulate and does not feel naturally. His operative interest in life is himself, and the people he meets and surrounds himself with are pawns and automatons to him—are stepping stones he uses to get what he wants so he can ward off the feeling of total emptiness inside his empty heart. Yikes!

And yeah just to reiterate: the author drowned himself after writing it. Uh . . . knowing this, it starts to feel pretty autobiographical, which is also a creepy feeling.

Definitely read it though! Read it through me!! I will throw some other stuff in the box. H’okay?