Listen: When I was in Portland a few weeks back, me and The Pink-Haired Girl went out one beautiful night and saw ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD, which has a really good poster by the way:

Hell, it was so cute. We went to the Laurelhurst Theater and everything. That’s a good movie theater, don’tcha know. We sat at the end of the middle row and had us good old fashioned SIT DOWN. For 161 nut-busting minutes I let this here movie wash over me. I thought, you know, here we are, me and The Pink-Haired Girl, and it doesn’t get much better than this. At some point we even had the whole row to ourselves because, uh, weirdly enough, I witnessed all of our row-mates leave during some Completely Inoffensive Scenes. Maybe they were just bored. Oh well!!

Anyway: If you asked my father how he felt about a movie he saw and liked, he would say something quaint like, “You know, I liked it. It was pretty cool, man.” I love that a lot. The man need not articulate his thoughts anymore then that, though he would if you asked him to.

I say this because that is the very same review style I will employ here re: This Movie. Which is to say: It rules a lot, and I had me a good ol time with this thing . . . and so did the PHG! I don’t wanna say much more than that yet because it just came out and I don’t want to spoil anything. But maaaaan what a cool, nearly-three-hour-long, chiefin-on-a-fat-doob-with-your-pants-unzipped buddy hangout movie. It was not at all what I thought it would be. It was better! Definitely go see it, h’okay??

I think I’m gonna go see it again at the Berkeley Theatre in downtown Berkeley this week, like on a Wednesday when no one else will be there. Or maybe I’ll just wait and see it this weekend when my dad is here. The film takes place in the summer of 1969, when my dad was 14 years old. It has a really good soundtrack that Moonshine Kate and I keep talking about, and would have been shit my dad grew up listening to. Man! Yeah, I’m definitely going to wait until he gets here. I’ll bet he loves the hell out of the thing. And when we get out, I’ll bet he says something like, “That was a cool movie, man.” Yeah!

(P.S. Will some of y’all please quit sending me these dimwitted think pieces about how this movie betrays history or something? For god’s sake. I love y’all to death but, like . . . come on. How many “it’s dangerous to glorify the past” clickbait articles have these cheese-eaters written at this point??)

((Also, I go see literally one or two movies at most a year at a movie theater. I am completely willfully ignorant of any movie outside my own narrow radar. So I spent my precious Movie Theater Credits on this one. I trusted Tarantino to make a good thing, even if the man himself is an insufferable jerkoff weirdo. It was a good call. OK??))