evaded by sleep once again. in a dream a voice had said: “calm down, calm down. you cannot possibly be surprised . . . they had told you it would be so. you used it all up and now the tank has run dry. there’s nothing left. it’s cold outside and we’ll have to get out and push the rest of the way. perhaps there may never be peace in the valley, but even from down here we can still see the stars . . .”

. . . here i am, preemptively feeling the full weight of the sadness of my departure alone at 5:30 am in ridgewood, new york. and as i finally close my eyes on the new york skyline outside monty’s window, i feel my entire body ache and go numb

deleting instagram felt great, but i will miss the polls

osamu dazai, may he rest in peace, would have absolutely hated this. why is this a perfume to begin with? lol

as far as books ago . . . it is a great book.

i finished it while working the door at the wolfhound in oakland back in winter 2019, and sold it to one of the readers of this website for the cost of postage . . . i can’t remember who it was though. well! i hope you enjoyed it~

putting grapes back on the vine

i found these again . . . this was such a good day . . . and i miss my sister laura so much . . .

. . . amid the tornadoed Atlantic of my being, do I myself still for ever centrally disport in mute calm; and while ponderous planets of unwaning woe revolve round me, deep down and deep inland there I still bathe me in eternal mildness of joy.