i feel like i am rotting on the inside. i’ve had like a dozen people tell me i look thinner than usual in the face. the rings around my eyes look like corpse makeup. i’m so tired. i can say with certainty that this is the saddest i have ever felt in my life, which is saying something. i miss my friend so much. i never loved anything or anyone the way i love dante and his absence in my life is unbearable. my life revolved around him, from sunup until we went to sleep at night, performing daily rituals we shared for thousands of days over the course of nearly half my life and all of his. everything i did i did with him in mind. i made sure he was taken care of even when i couldn’t take care of myself. my purpose was to make sure dante was safe and happy and now that he is gone i have lost my purpose. dante was my life. that life is gone forever. it’s killing me. i just wish someone would hold my head and let me sleep

i miss you so much dante