Oh hey: Remember that scene in ‘The Matrix’ where that dude loads up Neo’s brain with all that combat training shit? Neo’s just sitting there in that chair getting his brain jacked to hell on these training programs, and then suddenly he knows how to rip someone’s skull off with his bare hands and can pilot a nuclear submarine or whatever

Well: the other day I watched ‘Casino Royale’ and ‘The Bourne Identity’ and it’s like . . . man, these dudes just know what to do with stuff at any given moment. If they start bleeding they know how to make themselves stop bleeding, and they can drive cars real fast and rappel down buildings and can speak like eight languages conversationally

I’ve been thinking about it, and man, it would be awfully nice to have like a beginners-level knowledge of a bunch of semi-useful bullshit. Like: I want to take classes on soap-making and engine repair and knot-tying . . . and maybe, uh, like a massage class too. Can you take a stunt driving class?? I wanna take that too. I wanna be able to 180-degree parallel park a car~~~

You know, like . . . I don’t need to be an expert or anything like that. I just want to be less of an idiot than I already am

Is that asking for too much???