If I am elected President this November, I propose we build two new circles of Hell—the tenth and eleventh circles respectively—which, yes, will go below the dark and frozen oblivion where weeping Satan is entombed in ice for all eternity.

The tenth circle will be reserved for sinners who in life were the first to leave a comment on a woman’s Instagram picture with something like:

  • “Gorgeous.”
  • “Fucking beautiful.”
  • “You are art.”

The eleventh circle will contain those human-sharped fart clouds on Instagram who call themselves photographers (their parents bought them a DSLR in college), and who post heavily Photoshopped pictures of mountains and waterfalls and fog and Iceland and shit like that—and who write obnoxious multiple-paragraph-length captions about finding yourself in nature and living simply and other hollow disingenuous drivel.

Both of these Human Subtypes have essentially the same modus operandi: “I hope someone notices me so I can get laid.”

. . . which would make them candidates for the second circle of Hell—where those who were driven by lust are forever damned to sway violently in an unending storm!!

But there must be a more severe punishment. Lust is one thing. This is something far worse. It is an invisible sickness unique to the 21st century and it can be rebuffed by, uh, not being a huge dumb turd.

Anyway this post was written in jest. At least I think it was! And thus concludes, for today at least, my ongoing treatise decrying the morally- and spiritually-bankrupt hellhole of a world we find ourselves imprisoned within.


So long for now~!!