Other than Letterboxd, I do not have any social media anymore. Don’t worry: I’m not going to sit here and tell you how great it feels . . . even though it does . . .

However: I was going through my phone and I found some of the memes that people used to frequently send me along with a single word:

“you”

There seems to be this unifying popular perception of me as an eccentric mysterious unemployed movie-loving stoner sage dropout who stays up till dawn and is frequently on seemingly nonsensical adventures while the rest of the waking world is stuck at work. I’m just going to go ahead and tell you that all of this is absolutely true.

Behold:

For you, the day Ryan Starsailor graced your home and told you the story about doing acid with a hot Trader Joe’s cashier in Golden Gate Park and then driving a police car to the top of a foggy mountain at 3 a.m. was the dumbest day of your life.

But for me, it was Tuesday.