Attention fine readers of this fine website: I have scheduled a vasectomy (for myself (lol)) to be performed in the next two weeks. For real! My insurance company covers 100% of it, so why the heck not, yeah??
Apparently it takes like 20 minutes. They make a small incision on the side of your testicles and cauterize some tubes or whatever, and then you go home. And I guess there’s a non-scapel version where a doctor, like, uses his fingers to get those tubes real close to the surface and then they make a little hole or something? Like a hole punch? I don’t know. I don’t care how they do it cuz I ain’t scared either way.
You can’t have sex or jerk off or play golf or lift heavy objects for a week or so. That’s OK! I will hold off on all the golf I play.
And then they say you need to get through 15-20 ejaculations before it’s all out of your system. Hmm! That’s OK too.
What I want to say is this: If anyone wants to have my child, the clock is ticking. Email me and let’s work something out!!! But listen: That baby is going to be crazy and awful. Don’t do it!
I’ll let you know how it goes! I’m getting a vasectomy! What!!!