Oh man . . . I recently “starred” in a video for work . . . and uh . . . here’s kinda what it looks like!
I was supposed to be some 18-year-old kid named John—some young bunk trying to make a go of it at college! And John went off to college, and he done got himself all caught up in a catastrophic tailspin of anxiety and depression and loneliness! And so he went to his therapist, who was this very nice lady.
I sat in that chair and riffed on being sad and alone for maybe five hours. Mostly it wasn’t very difficult since, hell, god knows I’ve been sad and alone for pretty much my entire stay on this godforsaken ball of garbage called earth~
This right here is from a take of me saying some dumb trash that was mercifully cut from the final thing . . . and man, I gotta tell you, I could barely watch it. It makes me nauseous to see my face move and to hear words come out of my own mouth. It is so bad and awful.
I always remember Sir Michael Caine’s reaction to watching himself on screen in ‘Zulu’ (I just found the quote again!): “I’d always thought I was this handsome bloke with this great voice, and then this terrible geek came up on the screen and I realized my whole life was over. I’ve never been so depressed.”
Baby, listen: I don’t for one second think I am a handsome bloke with a great voice. I think I am a warbling clay-faced freak show on wheels. But the end result is the same: when confronted with a moving image of myself, and with the sounds my image makes, it all but confirms I am the terrible geek that I fear I am.
Anyway, the bottomless pit of my own self-hatred aside: This thing is apparently going to be on the therapist’s website soon. The videos are divided into short exercises. Maybe there will be fifteen videos or more—one for each exercise. I’m never going to be able to watch those things, man. It would make me puke my guts out.
It was a cool thing to do, though. I’m glad I did it! I’d never done anything like that before. I’m adding this little baby to my nonexistent film resume~