How’s this for having a job: Yesterday I paid off my gold tooth. When I had it put into my sad old head back in November, my insurance company absolutely refused to help me out, so I had to use a credit card that is specifically for medical expenses. I won’t get into how sad it made me to use a credit card to pay for a tooth that I need to survive, though hey, it sure did make me real heckin sad.
The thing with this credit card is that it mercifully deferred interest if I paid off my balance within six months. At the end of this month they would have started charging me interest on the damn thing. Interest! On a medical expense!
I woke up this morning and said to myself, I said: “Heck no, man. I ain’t payin interest on this thing.” And when I said “this thing” I tapped my gold tooth with my index finger, which makes a nice sound. So right then and there I paid off the whole thing. I closed the account. This gold tooth is all mine now.
You shoulda heard the reptile on the other end of the phone when I cancelled my card. They hate it when you do that. They’re prepared to do anything to keep their black lizard claws around your warm-blooded mammal neck. I said to the customer service rep: “Get bent, jerk!! Good riddance!!!!”
Well, baby, here I am: a man who has a gold tooth, and no reptilian creditors coming after him to take it back. I’m not free, but I’m free enough. I’m freer than I was before.
Doesn’t that count for something???