OK so you know how facial recognition has reached a new and terrifying level of accuracy? And how your phone and photo apps and all that other horseshit will ask you to “confirm” your face based on having creepily scanned your entire photo album to better learn your face to uh . . . ostensibly get better at tagging you? Well, I did that just now on my computer. Each time a photo of my face popped up, the unfeeling machine asked me a question I have in dreams sometimes asked myself:

To which I said (aloud (to no one)): What are you, the cops??

I confirmed 30 or so pictures of my own screamingly stupid face, and the invisible algorithms used this data to quickly tag something like 800 more pictures. It was frighteningly accurate! It detected my face in drawings people had made of me, and even my face when I was a freakin six-month-old baby. Whoa. What I also learned is that my computer thinks I’m Edward Scissorhands, Elvis, Donnie Darko and John Travolta (lol)~~


Am I all these people layered on top of one another? Do I live in the middle of that Venn diagram? I don’t know. Maybe I am a little bit of all of them. I mean, I guess you could argue that to some extent it’s true, though hey, what do I know. . . .