This will be front page news on every major newspaper on the planet by tomorrow morning, but my lawyer has urged me to “get ahead of the story” . . . and so, yes, the rumors are true: I’m going on another world tour . . . coming soon to YOUR city!

YES BUT YES BUT YES BUT, YOU SAY: Yeah, I know I just did the same damn thing last fall and winter! And I’m not going right away . . . I need to finally see my friends in Spain, and then early August I’m housesitting for my friends in Brussels, then going to Switzerland to see my cousin. I don’t leave for the United States till late August, so I’ve got the whole Berlin summer ahead of me. Who knows! Maybe people will actually hang out with me!

Here’s a full list of all the places I’m going because why not. If you live in a strange freak town someplace in between, let me know and I’ll drop on by:

  • Barcelona
  • Madrid
  • Brussels
  • Zurich
  • DC / Baltimore
  • New York City
  • Montreal
  • Toronto
  • Detroit
  • Chicago
  • Milwaukee
  • Minneapolis
  • Missoula
  • Jackson Hole / Yellowstone
  • Denver
  • Santa Fe
  • Tucson
  • Los Angeles
  • Bay Area
  • Portland
  • Tacoma
  • Seattle

I even spent way too long making a map marked with little star dudes since I’m an embarrassing dork. It’s probably difficult to see anything because of how small it’s gonna look on my website but whatever:

Wait, I’ll split it in half:

This time I’m cutting out the South, since my friends are gone from Savannah now. But at some point I’ll go to Houston and Austin. I don’t know when though, but I got to go on account of I got people to see in both places. Minus the airport, I have not been to Houston in over a decade, when I would go all the time with my ex-girlfriend who was from there. I have an old friend from Austin who moved home there, and I think the significance of seeing her is weighty. What I’m saying is that I absolutely have to see her. It’s important! . . . but not in a bad way.

YES BUT YES BUT YES BUT, YOU SAY: You might be thinking this all looks Very Expensive, but in reality it is not. This is because I have an insane, superhuman tolerance for being extremely uncomfortable for long stretches of time. If you’re willing to accept that you will sometimes feel dead exhausted and not smell great, and occasionally find yourself in the crosshairs of true mortal danger, then you too can putz around a whole continent for not much money. And anyway, what really gets me through it is that with the exception of a few places where I’ll camp outside and / or sleep in my rental car (e.g., Minneapolis, Jackson Hole, Missoula, Denver), I always have a place to sleep in all the places I go. Ain’t that nice? I guess I’m just lucky like that.

Last time I did this, I visited over 25 cities in 20 states, and also into Canada, and my getting from place to place was spread out evenly between driving, flying, and taking the train . . . the latter of which I will not repeat this time, SUCH IS ITS MISERY, and fuck buses. This time I mostly want to drive. It will be early fall, and god knows that’s the best time to drive anywhere. Especially once I make my way out West and head up to Portland and Seattle from the Bay Area, when it will be October. Listen: that’s one of the most beautiful places in the world if you ask me. That long, long scenic drive up I-5 into the Pacific Northwest, which I’ve done probably 20 times at least, blasting music and shotgunning coffee, and cruising beside evergreen forests and rivers, and through idyllic small towns . . . I’ll tell you what, it’s a good time.

These pictures are from the last time I was there, which was November 2020 when I visited The Pink-Haired Girl:


I miss her a lot, by the way. I’ve got to see her as well. She’s down in Los Angeles now just like she’s always threatened she would be, and lord knows I’ll be in that godforsaken place at least twice before I head back to Germany, so it is inevitable that we will SHARE AIR as long as she picks up her phone. And to that I add:

YES BUT YES BUT YES BUT, YOU SAY: What is this all about? Well, I just bought some camera equipment in order to hopefully fulfill the purpose of this trip, which is to create surreal interviews with all my cool friends in all the places I go, or else die trying. For instance: I know a professional clown, a published novelist, a classically trained violinist, an extremely esoteric art-creating savant, a master painter / sculpture-maker, a pizza master, and on and on. And so saying, I will pay tribute to them with this project. It will be honorific but also bizarre, not some straight predictable thing.

I am calling it . . .


Please anticipate it. Maybe I’ll write more about it later. I really ought to create some sort of trailer, to be honest . . . but probably it is too soon for that. When I do get around to it, obviously you will know where it will end up . . . you’re already there!

Anyway: I am going to attempt to do a “season” consisting of ten episodes, focusing on two people per episode. Or maybe each episode is everyone I know in that whole city / region. I have begun writing the outlines for each episode, which are really all I need to get going . . . just skeletal outlines. Everything else I will create as I go along, including the inane footage that will bookend the interviews, and appear within the interviews themselves. See, no two interviews will at all be alike. You’ll see!

Thing is, I am running out of reasons to wake up. And so I must invent a reason to keep on living, because otherwise what is the point. If that sounds cartoonishly dramatic, it just might be, but it’s also true. What can I say? At least I’m not full of shit. From now on, my life will just be The Work. Nothing else matters. The Work will sustain me for a little while longer. Creation is always better than everlasting nothingness . . . especially when there is no money involved, and it doesn’t matter if anyone else even sees it. I am doing it because I want to and I have to. I am doing it for the sake of the song, so to speak. I have to believe it beats sitting around and wishing I were dead.

Plus I have owned starsailor dot tv for years. Did you know that?

I feel as though I always end my posts saying that I can see the glowing outline of the hateful sun against my black-out curtains, which is my cue to enter my coffin and descend into a long dark Dracula dream. Such is my tale. Well, that’s just what I’ll do now. I’ve already made my skin dewy with retinol and have brushed and water-flossed my teeth, so all that’s left is to go to the Shadow World. Yes but yes but yes but, you say, implying that I am already in the Shadow World. Would it really surprise you to know that you can go deeper into it? You’ve probably already visited this place whether you know it or not. As for me, I can’t get out from it. And if that is the case, then I may as well make myself comfortable.