one time, years ago, this tall russian girl who i did not know and had never met before drove her motorcycle up from LA and stayed with me in oakland. i’ve written about her before. she was a really interesting person. she said she was a famous blogger in russia, and i looked her up and she actually was. this was a genuinely bizarre one-of-kind sort of person. how we found each other is insane. the previous summer she had passed by my police car while in a greyhound bus when i was in LA for a writing assignment that completely bankrupted me. and now six months later she was in my house almost 400 miles away. anyway, i felt like i had met an extraterrestrial. we had a few strange and interesting days together and then she went back to LA.

for the sake of brevity, i’ll just say that she had a similar sort of website as mine. and every now and then i’d look and see what she’d been up to. people sometimes tell me they periodically check my website to see if i am still alive. i guess it was the same impetus for me. though yeah, as it happens, the last thing she had written was about me and this other guy she knew in oakland. i thought: “whoa.” what are the odds? i hadn’t checked her website in a while and now this thing was there at the top of the page and it was definitely about me. she referred to me as “starboy”. and in this post, she basically psychoanalyzed me for some reason. it wasn’t mean. she was just making a point about something and used me as an example of someone suffering from a certain kind of self-delusion. at the time i thought she was doing a lot of reaching. we didn’t really know each other that well, so it was like, c’mon . . . you ever heard of the goldwater rule??

well: years later it is 2 am and i’m sitting in a car in an empty parking lot in my hometown, and i just felt a black streak of terror shoot down my spine as i realized that this girl was absolutely stone-cold dead right about me lol