In anticipation of the new shit I’m about to finally post on my store, I have reduced the price of my GRITT CALHOON novella-thing I wrote some time ago and heavily revised at the tail-end of my miserable year in Portland. It is of course mind-numbingly dumb, but maaaaan I love that sort of stuff. My friend McCune once said, to paraphrase: “It is pure and beautiful.” He is I think the only person who has ever liked it enough to tell me so.
You know: I actually recorded the audiobook when I revised this thing. I had mono and my voice sounded weird (in a bad way) so I didn’t use it. I recently rerecorded it, so I’ll send it out when I cut it down a little.
Anyway: Please buy this thing. How are you going to continue to live your life knowing you’re missing out on this:
“Shit’s lookin’ good, man,” he said to Gritt, who was loading two M136 AT4 anti-tank rocket launchers. “We gunna give these boys hell, that’s fer damn sure. Just seein all this fuckin shit again is gettin the blood flowin in my big ol yew-know-what.”
“It’s a purdy sight, no doubt about it,” said Gritt. “We have built ourselves a fortress of death, and it is from this place that we shall once again ferry the souls of our enemies to their fiery beds below.”
“Amen,” said Shark. He scratched his balls from outside his pants with a chicken bone and bit his bottom lip. He was in an inquisitive mood.
“Hey Gritt,” he said. “If’n ya could have two penises, would ya want one on top’a the other, or would ya want ‘em side-by-side?”
Gritt pondered this for a moment.
“This might sound controversial,” said Gritt, “but I reckon I’d prolly want ‘em side-by-side.”
“Yeah?” said Shark. “Whyzat?”
“‘Cuz I’d rubberband ‘em together to make one big ol superwiener.”
Gritt saw Shark smile a little. “Whatchu smilin ‘bout, boy?” he said.
“Nuthin. Jus thought it was cool that we had the same thought process. Superwiener’s definitely the way to go. The logistics of the pinkn-stink combo makes my fuckin head spin. Hell, I’d almost rather do fuckin long division,” said Shark, who pretended to know what long division was.
Click on either of the images below to help me pay my electric bill: