I have completely banished all the thoughts and feelings I spent the last six weeks thinking and feeling. I released them and they are gone from me. Yeah, baby. Yeah.
I take the object in my hand and release it in the opposite direction
Major North American cities I would live in:
- Boston
- Providence
- Portland (both I guess)
- Montreal
- Burlington
- Tucson
Major North American cities I never want to see again:
- San Antonio
- San Francisco
- Phoenix
- Las Vegas
- New Orleans
- San Diego
I think after this one I have maybe one more North American city left in me. Probably Montreal! After that I’m disappearing forever.
Here is something that I have never told anyone, and for no good reason. I wasn’t embarrassed about it or anything. I just never thought to say it.
Anyway: There is a song on the ‘Only God Forgives’ soundtrack called “Sister, Pt. 1” and the reason I like it so much is because I finally found a sound that is pretty close to the one I hear in my hand, and the one I feel inside my body, if that makes sense. . . ???
The scene in the movie where it is used is pretty similar to the MENTAL PLACE I go to when I am alone. Just a dude slumped over in a chair in a dark neon room thinking about god dang nothing.
california flower baby!!
yeah. see ya around, jerks.
Once, a few years ago, I hung out with this sort of earth child / moon goddess type . . . a Burner, I guess you might call her (she would call herself that too, and did) . . . but she was real cool anyway. She used to come into my restaurant and sit at the bar and we’d talk about a bunch of dumb crap for hours.
Anyway: She asked me to pick her up one night, so I drove over in the police car and got her. Hell, it was one in the morning. We drank two whole bottles of wine. She was so positive and friendly and uplifting, and talked about how much she loved being in water and laying out in the sun, and on and on. And I in contrast was this sort of death-pale subterranean just-when-you-think-the-world’s-a-joke gloom-freak jerkoff-loser . . . and for some reason that wasn’t absolutely mortifying to her, even though everything I said to her was the complete opposite of her worldview. Maybe that’s why our conversation was so interesting though. I didn’t try to tell her she was wrong, and she didn’t try to tell me I was wrong. It was a nice honest thing. It was genuinely fun.
She called me a few minutes ago saying she “heard” I was in the Bay. Oh boy! I’m totally going to hang out with her. She has no doubt gotten closer to ascending into the clouds . . . and as for me, I have plunged ever deeper into the dark chambers of this terrible endless nightmare, and yet I can still laugh anyway. Maybe our absolutely inscrutable yinyang relationship will endure and be made stronger!!
JUST GOING TO GO AHEAD AND SAY IT
SINCE I AM ABOUT TO NUKE THIS ENTIRE WEBSITE:
If you are over the age of fifteen (15) and you still care about:
- your birthday
- Valentine’s Day
you are a chump. Sorry!!!!!!!!!!!
(Laura R. is exempt from both of these, and exempt from everything in fact, because she gets excited about giving and receiving presents and flowers and baked goods—and her eternal optimism in the face of the crushing machinery of existence is the most pure and beautiful thing there ever was.)
((Also, in the case of the aforementioned list, I was referring to the sort of perfunctory well-everyone-else-pretends-to-care-so-I-guess-I-do-too way of looking at it . . . which is an invisible human mind-poison that infects nearly every tangible object and abstract concept you can possibly imagine!!!))
hey guys here is a picture of me in crumpled black clothing drinking an entire bottle of champagne and talking to my friend rachel at her gallery opening a few months ago
rachel is a beautiful and amazing person!!!!
p.s. i miss oakland what the hell!!! i mean i’m IN oakland right now, but lord almighty, i wish i was still around all these fine people on a regular basis.
