Ryan lives in Oakland!!! We don’t talk to him much anymore!!!! I guess that dude fuckin died or something!!!!!!

OK LET’S GET THIS OVER WITH

FOR GOD’S SAKE WHEN IS SOME SHIT GOING TO CRASH INTO MY HOUSE

So when is someone in charge finally going to climb to the top of a fucking mountain or whatever and announce that civilization has failed

This was taken in Santa Monica almost a year ago . . . we had driven a thousand miles through Texas and New Mexico and Arizona to get there, and when we did we were happy to see the ocean and walk around under the sun for a while

I have no idea what I’m doing in this picture. Happy to stretch my body? Jack seems amused enough

(I miss those sunglasses. I accidentally sat on them a month later after a lady and I climbed some weird hill overlooking Ocean Beach in San Francisco. It was cold and she shared her coat with me)

My nerves are completely fried and most of my fingertips feel sensitive . . . some are numb and cold and others hot and rubbery

I just had to look up where exactly the heart is in the human body to determine if the pain I feel in my chest is my heart begging me to stop or some other damn thing

I need to go to a place and stay in that place for a while and I either want to be completely alone or with someone who won’t hate me for all the silence and slow-paced whatever

At night I can count on three things: 1) blue light merging in a haze with purple light, 2) soft music with no words, and 3) drugged and painless sleep

“I had felt pain and misery and brought it to them as well.”

jesus i’m a wreck and always have been

A long time ago now: “There is no right thing to say. There are only words. I hope these words are okay.”

here’s a self-portrait for all you god damn sons of bitches out there

She had said, “I want to rest my head on your chest and listen to your voice vibrate inside your body”