AND
IF
THE
MACHINE
DOESN’T
WORK??
my hero herman melville
yeah dude
hey uh
what are you supposed to do
when the thing they gave you
to keep you on planet earth
stops working lol
Up at the top—that’s me and my buddy Laura guarding The T-Shirt Station yesterday at PIPEFEST III. There were two huge buckets full of shitty beer next to me. I guess we were guarding those too. But from whom??
The blood running down my face, by the way, came from my brain. I suffered extensive brain damage yesterday on account of how cool Pipefest was, and so my body reacted accordingly.
The T-Shirt Station ruled. There were shirts . . . and zines! Now, that’s a word that usually gives me pause, and makes me nauseous on a molecular level. But as far as those things go, I think these particular zines were just fine. My good friends Mitch and Leyla made them, bless their little hearts. If you bought a T-shirt, you got a zine. I’m the Pipefest figurehead, so I got em both for freeeeee~
Cole, who is standup guy, and who printed those T-shirts for us, he told me: “I’ll make a black one for you if you want.” And I said to Cole: “Bless your little heart, my sweet boy.”
The thing started off slow, which is usually how it goes. I reckon I like that part best: when there’s only like fifteen people milling around. I did my fair share of milling around and glad-handing, and so on. I hugged everyone and I tickled them too. In return one big guy picked me up and had me cross my arms and he did that thing where he leaned back with his big-ass arms around me and cracked my back right good. It was great. What a guy.
There were strawberry cupcakes and lemon cookies. I had me a good ol time with both of em.
Soon there were many people, and so I introduced some bands:
As usual, the crowd stared blankly and near-hatefully as I made terrible jokes!!!
I found my friend Emily in a tree. She had green hair now. I can’t remember what color it was last time I saw her. She told me to come over to her mom’s house and hang out with her kittens sometime. I told her I would! She said: “I remember how much you love ‘Moby-Dick’,” and I said, “Right on!!!”
Minutes later a British dude who used to come to the Wolfhound Pub approached me and said: “I remember you. You’re the doorman who loved ‘A Confederacy of Dunces’,” and I said, “Yeah baby!!!”
Hell of a thing, being in Oakland and surrounded by people who I remember and who remember me! Under the sun we Fested and remembered each other and ate strawberry cupcakes and lemon cookies! We liked each other! (My god, in Portland there was nothing like that . . . what a rotten catastrophe that place is, now that I think about it. . . .)
Anyway: It ruled. It ruled so hard that blood kept gushing out of my nose.
Here is a picture of some of my buddies and me on the stairs of the Pipehouse:
Love y’all~
The end~~
i did it
i finally got my face on a T-shirt
i told my friends hannah and mitch and leyla, who live in the pipehouse, and who made this shirt, i said: i promise i won’t sue you for copyright infringement if you give me one of those god darn T-shirts
they said “yeah dude” so i guess i sealed the deal
cuz that’s my character and my catchphrase, ok
that’s my intellectual property, baby
hah! i’m just kidding~
well: time to jump off the golden gate bridge and hope What Comes Next isn’t nearly as bad as this godawful hellprison—isn’t as bad as this queer little hole called the world
yeah
yeah
walking around berkeley at 2 a.m.
remembering disasters
and as i turned onto my street i imagined myself growing large
large enough to see the streets on every side of me!
and, god dang it, it sure didn’t make me feel better about anything
i said to myself just now, i said: “you go home and you brush your teeth and you eat a sleeping pill and you go to sleep”
hannah and i finished editing the video today
pipefest 3 is saturday, june 17th, which is in two days
see y’all on the pipe!!!!
i am trapped in san francisco for one reason or another
it is monday
and everywhere i go i hear White Guys talking about what they drank and how much of it they drank this past weekend
man
these guys are in their 30s
listening to people talk about getting drunk or what they did while they were drunk is the most boring godawful thing i can think of next to having to listen to someone talk about what they did while traveling
man
san francisco sucks big time for reasons besides, by the way
oh boy does it ever
more like san fransucksblow!!!!!!
