if there were a ryan starsailor action figure, it would come with a little bottle of $4 wine, a little container of pomade and a little comb, a little pair of adidas sambas, a little black denim jacket, a little fender jag-stang, and a little dante the cat

today i was driving home from work and i put on the bay area dad rock station and green day was playing so i guess it’s time to kill myself

I looked anxiously around me: the present, nothing but the present. Furniture light and solid, rooted in its present, a table, a bed, a closet with a mirror— and me. The true nature of the present revealed itself: it was what exists, and all that was not present did not exist. The past did not exist. Not at all. Not in things, not even thoughts. It is true that I had realized a long time ago that mine had escaped me. But until then I believed it had simply gone out of my range. For me the past was only a pensioning off: it was another way of existing, a state of vacation and inaction; each event, when it had played its part, put itself politely into a box and became an honorary event: we have so much difficulty imagining nothingness. Now I knew: things are entirely what they appear to be— and behind them . . . there is nothing.

hey does anyone want to gloomily wander the back streets of berkeley, california with me this weekend?? i have three half-drunk bottles of bottom-shelf trader joe’s wine that are screaming to get processed through various human organs. two of them are pretty OK

i’m serious lol

lemme know: octonaut [at] gmail [dot] com

or text me: [here is where i would put my phone number if i were a psycho]

thank’s

This is just a reminder that a year ago I took an ONLINE QUIZ to determine which SAILOR MOON character I am . . . and I got Sailor Pluto, the Soldier of Space-Time, who is (sorry) definitely the coolest one. Her name of course comes from the Roman god of the underworld (and the former planet, which was so cool they decided it wasn’t a planet anymore), and she’s got frickin dark green-ass hair and wears black and garnet (my birthstone!!), and her powers are based around time, the underworld, space, darkness, death, judgment, and precognition (my powers!!).

So get bent, fools, because I’m Sailor Pluto and there’s absolutely nothing any of you can do about it. And if you question my quiz outcome I will attack you with one my signature moves, which include Dead Scream, Chronos Typhoon, Dark Dome Close, Dimension Dance, and Galactica Cannon . . . among many others that I won’t list here because it would terrify you to know how truly versatile and destructive my abilities are.

OK seeya later, punks. Go get bent.

ah man . . . i have had a cold for a few days, or maybe Residual Mono, and i gotta say: i know it’s going to end up killing me someday, but i really do enjoy the sensation of cough syrup surging through my broken body

i hope that for the rest of my life i get to continue to hear people use the phrase “work hard, play hard” with no trace of irony

and hear about people wanting to only make “meaningful connections” as if that actually means anything

i also hope “being mindful” and “being present” survive and remain a part of the american lexicon well into the 21st century

ok y’all i’m done being snarky

just, hey baby, i’m also done with hearing the same empty-ass phrases every day of this shared waking nightmare that we are, all of us, doomed to live out until we get totally vaporized by a foreign entity . . . real or imagined!!!

a friend to animals

me