Last night I did a dangerous thing, which was to think about stuff. It went like this:
Have a great day!!!!!!!!!!
sure: THE SICKNESS UNTO DEATH is DESPAIR
but it’s also just EVERYTHING
the sickness unto death is the sum of all things real and imagined
all weekend i have had a difficult time finding peace in any of the things i keep in my house that are supposed to do just that
because, let’s face it baby: none of that crap is going to save me or you or anyone else
despair isn’t an emotion in this household
it is an occupation!!!
mommas, don’t let your babies grow up to be starsailors!!!!
i drank a cup of coffee at midnight because i’m a huge idiot but i’m going to attempt to go to sleep now anyway
i haven’t really slept in ten years lol
someone put the machine on me and see what’s inside
what would my reaction times be
it would almost be a relief to be identified as a replicant
my memories feel like implants anyway!
yo: V-K me, man
prove to me that i am what i think i am, which is artificial
and send me to an early retirement, if you know what i mean!
(i’m perfectly sane, by the way, if you are in fact allowed to declare yourself so. i’m just exhausted and fulfilling my duty as an agent of despair. sue me, man. i have the sickness, and you do too. so long for now ☆)
Before I moved to Oakland in 2013, I made this mockup of what I wanted my house to look like:
(That was my real living room! I just grabbed a picture from the Craigslist ad~)
((That place ended up being a former meth lab, by the way. I found an article about it on some website about Oakland neighborhoods. Apparently when my scumbag landlord bought the place, my bedroom contained a dog skeleton.))
(((Nice house otherwise~)))
When I moved back to Oakland from that miserable hole called Portland, I made a new mockup of the house Kerwin and I wanted to live in:
Hmmmm. Maybe none of those jokes make sense. They’re not any good either!
I know that the night is not the same as the day: that all things are different, that the things of the night cannot be explained in the day, because they do not then exist, and the night can be a dreadful time for lonely people once their loneliness has started.
i dropped a glass in my bathroom and it shattered and slashed my achilles heel
are you sure about that poppo
i went to lake merritt to forget about love for a few hours!!!! and for real i walked past fifteen couples holding hands and no one else
oh and also a family of raccoons (one of them was albino)