this right here is the chocolate-peanut butter swirl of film. when you see this, you know you’re about to have a real good time

and a good time is exactly what i needed because today was horrible and we, as a country, are totally boned. oops!

tomorrow i’m going to wake up and get coffee and donuts with my friend emma. and then i’m going to come home and write out a detailed plan for how i’m going to get back to berlin. maybe i’ll post it here!

ok my melatonin tea has now fully sedated me. all i have to do is close my eyes and sail away to nightmareland. good-night! ☆彡

i felt pretty bummed out today for no reason in particular . . . guess it was just the gravity of mere being that got me down. hah!

at some point in the evening, i looped this for probably close to an hour, what with it feeling like just the sort of thing i needed to hear right then and there

Last night I walked nearly 14 miles all over the East Bay. Mostly I was alone, though I did walk by some parties around UC Berkeley campus, which is insane. Y’all are seriously having parties during a pandemic??

Anyway it was an accident that I walked so far, and by the time I got home around 2 am my entire body was sorer than hell. I made some sleepy time tea and dissolved a melatonin in it and went the hell to sleep. I dreamed about this girl I knew a long time ago, and in the dream she held my hand! It was cute. But I made the mistake of leaving the dream room, and so of course when I tried to go back again she was gone. In my dreams people always disappear if I try to go back into a room I’ve already been in. Or someone else will be there in their place, and usually it’s someone you don’t want to hang out with. It’s a bummer.

Well: I slept till 2 pm and, yes, upon waking I realized I had destroyed my body in exerting it so much. Oh well! Time for bed again~

I love enamel pins. They’re so cute. I’m going to start making some of my own. But anyway here are some cute pins I’ve gotten recently~

Wow! I’m almost done with the new site. I’ve been working on it all week, round about eight to ten hours a day! At times I have forgotten to eat and shower. But now I can finally relax because I only have like an hour or two left to go before it’s ready to Go Live.

(Hmm. I reckon this is the third major iteration of starsailor dot co. Whoa.)

Also: I have created a store. So far I’ve made five shirts, though I’ve got a few more I’m working on.

Here are some of them:

(Tombo & Belgians take note: international shipping is only like $6.)

Basically I’m just making a bunch of shirts that I’m going to wear (lol) . . . but it’d be cool if y’all bought some too!! Black will be the only color, because come on. And with the exception of the inner label, there is no branding on them whatsoever! It’s just a black T-shirt with a black and white image on it. Yeah!

OK I’m gonna finish my cup of coffee and eat a gummy and go on a long walk. It’s 70 degrees out and nighttime, for god’s sake. And then I’m going to come back and finish this stuff. Maybe I’ll unveil it tomorrow. I guess we’ll both find out tomorrow afternoon when I roll my dumb ass out of bed!!!

In the last four years, I’ve lost my sister, my grandmother on my mother’s side, my grandfather on my father’s side, and two uncles and an aunt.

My grandfather died on my birthday this year. I was in Berlin and had the flu. I woke up in the late afternoon and it was already getting dark outside. I read the messages my family had sent telling me he had died that morning nearly 6,000 miles away. My dad was alone with him when he died.

Dante and I wake each other up when the other one is having a bad dream. He has saved me from enduring the full length of many nightmares. I can only guess what scary things sometimes appear in his head when he is not awake. When this does come to pass, it is his little murmurs and twitching feet that lead me to believe he is distressed in some way, and so I rouse him and stroke his back to calm him down. Fortunately this does not occur often, and I am certain I have many more nightmares than him by orders of magnitude, probably because I am cursed with a cocktail of many uniquely human psychological ailments, first and foremost being that of memory and regret. Dante is blessed with a narrower experience and so his fears are of a different sort. As I write this, he is snoring on my lap, and I am lying here in the dark waiting for this melatonin to drag me under. I reckon at least one of us will sleep peacefully tonight. And should I find myself being chased by the faceless phantoms who wait for me in dreams, I know I can count on Dante waking me up at 7 am to be fed. Hah!

Well . . . good-night! ☆