03 May 2014

I am happiest (or just plain happy at all) when I am lying on my mattress under the glow of many purple Christmas lights and Dante jumps down from the window and walks over to me and curls into a ball on my chest and we breathe at the same time while not thinking about a god damn thing

01 May 2014

I’m so tired I feel like I might die and I can hear a train whistle somewhere far away but who the hell knows if it’s real or not

01 May 2014

Time weighs heavily on us now . . . we have nothing but the old songs to keep us company

30 April 2014

Ryan lives in Oakland!!! We don’t talk to him much anymore!!!! I guess that dude fuckin died or something!!!!!!

30 April 2014

OK LET’S GET THIS OVER WITH

FOR GOD’S SAKE WHEN IS SOME SHIT GOING TO CRASH INTO MY HOUSE

30 April 2014

So when is someone in charge finally going to climb to the top of a fucking mountain or whatever and announce that civilization has failed

30 April 2014

santamonica

This was taken in Santa Monica almost a year ago . . . we had driven a thousand miles through Texas and New Mexico and Arizona to get there, and when we did we were happy to see the ocean and walk around under the sun for a while

I have no idea what I’m doing in this picture. Happy to stretch my body? Jack seems amused enough

(I miss those sunglasses. I accidentally sat on them a month later after a lady and I climbed some weird hill overlooking Ocean Beach in San Francisco. It was cold and she shared her coat with me)

30 April 2014

My nerves are completely fried and most of my fingertips feel sensitive . . . some are numb and cold and others hot and rubbery

I just had to look up where exactly the heart is in the human body to determine if the pain I feel in my chest is my heart begging me to stop or some other damn thing

I need to go to a place and stay in that place for a while and I either want to be completely alone or with someone who won’t hate me for all the silence and slow-paced whatever

28 April 2014

At night I can count on three things: 1) blue light merging in a haze with purple light, 2) soft music with no words, and 3) drugged and painless sleep

27 April 2014

“I had felt pain and misery and brought it to them as well.”

jesus i’m a wreck and always have been