kerwin and i were talking about it recently, and we agreed that it would be OK if someone came along and ripped our hearts out. i won’t speak for kerwin, but as for me: what the hell else do i have going on? i mean, sure. i’d rather get pulled into some weird toxic whirlwind storm and come out on the other side of it all shredded and flea-bitten than go on not feeling much at all!

i am erasing the old thing, or at least the parts of it that don’t matter anymore. i have now only a few boxes. and last week i burned a lot of letters i don’t need to read again. i read them one last time and i knew that it was fine if i didn’t again for one reason or another.

uh, you know: the point isn’t to absorb things or sculpt and mold and perfect, and so on. or at least i don’t think so anyway. i want to end up skeletal is what i’m saying. i want to ride this godawful train right on down to skeleton town!

it would be OK if i met someone and they hurt me or put me though something. hell, i don’t even know what there is for anyone to jab at anymore. but they sure can try! i’d let them. go ahead! jab at me, for god’s sake!!!

i will go on annihilating things that are useless to me now. i like a few things and i have kept them. and i ain’t just talking about stuff in my room! i have, in secret places, kept the things i like and will keep them there until they are useless to me too.

i kept some postcards i got in los angeles. they are beautiful in their hideouness! who wants one??

i always liked ikana canyon in ‘majora’s mask’

it is the land of the dead, and all the ghosts are sad there

when i got to this part as a kid i remember thinking it was so cool

god, the music!

i love it

hangin out with my little buddies over here

(tracey: i wanted to add you here, but you can only use five letters to name the four main characters! there is one other part in the game where you get to put in a name, and “tracey” will fit, so that is where you will join my teeny tiny little baby adventure!!! i love you!!)

tonight while walking home, i heard three drunken idiots screaming at each other across the street. they were trying to figure out how to get food at 3:30 a.m., which is a difficult thing to do in portland since almost everything closes at 9–10 p.m.

one of them suggested driving to troutdale, which is something like 10 miles from here, and i thought, “oh god”

they were gurgling, gargling, yelling out sentences that didn’t make sense, even to each other and even to themselves

and then i heard this, which i’m still trying to figure out, despite the fact that i already know it is godawful in every sense of the word:

“why are you talking like you have a vagina?”

“i’m not talking like i have a vagina. i’m talking like i have a plan.”

???

the plan was to find “a car” (???) and then “drive over to that 24-hour place in troutdale”

and then off they went in search of a car. they turned a corner and were gone. uh-oh!

my friend stevie told me there are boutique clothing stores in portland that hire you based on your instagram account

your instagram is your resume

what an absolute nightmare this world is, huh

kerwin sent me this

he said we met inside his nintendo 3DS today

he’s on the left and i’m on the right

Solitude is independence. It had been my wish and with the years I had attained it. It was cold. Oh, cold enough! But it was also still, wonderfully still and vast like the cold stillness of space in which the stars revolve.

‘steppenwolf’ should be boring to me since it is essentially this website if it were written by an adult

but i’m actually having a really good hot time with it

he mentions stars a lot

dude, all those people

jesus

it makes me feel sick to think about it

my friend rachel’s roommate went to that warehouse and the only reason they know he’s dead is because he never came home

my friend mccune lost three friends in one night. they still can’t find their bodies

can you imagine

there was a huge fire at a warehouse party in oakland last night. some of my friends were there. i have spoken to them and they are alive. their friends are missing though. they’re saying 40 people have died so far.