22 January 2016

i took a really long bath. i dumped some epsom salt in there and everything. had a candle burning and i was sipping from this bottle of wine. and then i got out and looked at myself in the mirror. i had just bought a pair of clippers to cut my own hair. man i totally just shaved all my hair off. i started with like the 6 guard, then went down to 4 (which is a mad max haircut) and then went down to 2 and 1. i look like i just joined the marines. and you know what, it ain’t that bad. i don’t hate it. i’m not going to keep it like this, but i’ve never really seen the shape of my own head, so it was interesting in that sense i reckon. i think i’m going to let it grow out to mad max length, hang out with that for awhile, and then go back to having it long on top and short on the sides. i don’t know, man! i’m turning 28 on tuesday. i thought, why the hell not

uh, i will say this: it’s really cold

(i would post a picture but i think that would finally get me committed)

22 January 2016

i got rid of that thing

that thing where i had been posting videos

it brought me a few moments of joy for about a week

now: no more

i can’t do that stuff, man

it creeps me out

i got rid of it

22 January 2016

near as i can tell this is what it looks like:

AUSTIN, TX: “hi! i love anything outdoorsy! i work in PR and love walking my dog! i love sports! i love breakfast tacos!”

PORTLAND, OR: “haaaaahhhhh pizza rules man hahaha satan i was daria for halloween i wish i would just die already lol i told my gynecologist i was going to kill myself and he laughed aliens 666”

22 January 2016

i think maybe last night i wrote a post that a lot of people thought was scary

22 January 2016

it is three minutes past minute and i have uncorked a frighteningly bad bottle of wine. i have been picking a different wine each time, none of them costing over $8. i guess at that price point you’ve got to know what you’re getting yourself into. it isn’t so bad after the first few sips. your throat accepts its fate and the body opens the gate. you are taking care of yourself, in some strange way, and it cost you less than ten bucks from your local grocer. self-medicating is sort of like self-preservation. i think so anyway. but then i don’t actually know anything at all.

it’s not as though i’m sitting here with black tar heroin. wine is a good buddy to have i reckon. it can be got cheaply and it is available everywhere. it feels less severe than liquor, and you can still respect yourself a little. drinking a six-pack feels like eating an entire loaf of bread.

dante is sitting on my lap. tomorrow afternoon it is going to start snowing. there will be several feet of snow on the ground by saturday. i guess that’s what they’re saying anyway. i went to the grocery store yesterday, very crowded, and got as much as i could carry and went the hell home. i was only 12 miles away but it took me an hour and a half to get back. it was snowing. i saw cars sliding all over the road and people getting into accidents.

i went home and descended way way down there. i am still down there. all i did today was lonesome road. i feel so sad it’s making me sick. i would give anything for a little comfort.