also, um, on the subject of WILD AT HEART, which is my favorite movie ever . . . uh, it was my birthday last saturday, so if you want to get me the collector’s edition blu-ray i sure would like that (lol)

she’s wearing star earrings by the way

:,)

LISTEN: Some time ago now, long enough that you might call it “a long time ago”, I knew this woman in Oakland who I liked a whole lot. I don’t wanna say who she is because, I don’t know, what’s the point. And anyway I don’t want to implicate her in having hung out with me In That Way because it ain’t necessarily my place to put it thusly! But man, she was so cool. She was the true definition of Wild At Heart and Weird On Top, and god knows that’s the best sort of person you can ever know . . . one of God’s own prototypes, et cetera. We still “”follow each other”” on That Thing, but she’s all over the place on account of the way she makes money, and gets her rocks off and all that, which are maybe one in the same though who the hell really knows. I talked to her recently though and I think we’re gonna finally do something again. The problem before, and what is still the problem now I’m sure, is that we are ourselves, which is to say we’re way too similar in nature to make a go at the thing. She hides away and goes it alone and so do I. She would come to me and I would (accidentally) repel her and then later I would go to her and she would (accidentally??) repel me. It is a sort of sickness maybe, or a personality defect that we share . . . but that’s just the head, the tail, the whole damn thing of it, and there’s not much either of us can do about it except see what happens. Either way, I just wanna be in the same room with her again.

Well, wild lady, if there was ever a one, you may as well would have been that one. I don’t know if you still read this thing, but come on over dude. Or let’s rip around town like we did all that time ago. H’okay?

Yeah ☆

HEY

I sent out like . . . ten postcards today! To Detroit and Buffalo and Dallas and Halifax and Portland, and on and on! I had bought these postcards in Vienna but never did anything with them, so now I have delivered them unto you, my precious farflung friends!!

Can y’all send me your addresses? I’m trying to get better at filling out the uh address part in my phone contacts. Cuz some of them are outdated or I never wrote down your address in the first place.

Email me!

And also email me if you’ve never received a letter from me but want one. You don’t gotta write me back or anything . . . I just like writing them is all . . . but it’s real cool to come home and find something in the mail that ain’t a freakin bill or a weekly grocery store circular. And also, ask anyone: my letters are long and the envelopes are covered in star stickers. Oh and also I seemingly have an infinite supply of Kwanzaa stamps.

ok~

lol southwest sent me this and there was a download button?? like they want me to put it somewhere?? fine here it is

i flew way more than seven times . . . just not through them . . . but i guess they don’t give a shit about that and why should they!!

also ew it says “on point”

and also my 2018 was not “on point”—it was a fucking travesty from start to finish lol

(2019 rules though)

well: i’ll be on a southwest flight to detroit in fifteen days, so i guess they’ve got me for life, or at least until they inevitably go bankrupt like every other US airline carrier

ok bye

yeah :,) ♡

hell yea baby!!!!

yeah!!!

hell yea!!

. . . yeah baby hell yea!!!!!!!

sh*t!!

last night dear monty and i were talking about THE PAIN of RECALLING THE PAST and this is how i attempted to sum up the essence of what the past really is (lol)

when you think about it like that, maybe it can’t hurt you anymore!!!!

a (sentimental) counterpoint taken from a book i recently recommended to monty, which she finished today:

She wants to have her notebooks so that the flimsy framework of events, as she has constructed them in her school notebook, will be provided with walls and become a house she can live in. Because if the tottering structure of her memories collapses like a clumsily pitched tent, all that Tamina will be left with is the present, that invisible point, that nothingness moving slowly toward death.

yeah

My freakin BIRTHDAY was on Saturday. I turned 31 years old. I was not the least bit sad about it. That’s silly. The worst thing you can really say about the whole thing is that 31 is a boring number. Whatever! It’s just a stupid number!!

I woke up to a bunch of messages! I felt real cool that people had remembered me! And then I saw this:

Awwww!~! I love you, Monty~~

(The photostrip she posted, by the way, is on top of THE BOOK OF LAUGHTER AND FORGETTING, which I had recommended to her!!)

I got out of bed and made a cup of coffee and walked Dante. I felt very fine indeed!! In the backyard, beneath that WARM CALIFORNIA SUN, I remembered a dream I’d had the night before. I had dreamed up a little video I wanted to make, so I made it.

Laura and Joey and them came over, and we played a whole bunch of MARIO KART. We got firewood and wine, and so on, on account of the people who would be arriving later. The Traitor Joe’s cashier even gave me his discount cuz it was my birthday. At home I torched a bag of letters and bills and junk mail to get the fire going while Laura decorated my star cake (!) and made an enormous bowl of guacamole out of what she says are six of the most beautiful and perfect avocados she’s ever seen in her life. Lord! It was good. And yeah OK we had a fire, and drank a lot of wine, and many fine people I know showed up, and we got drunk and talked a whole bunch, and were even visited by the raccoon who has been haunting my backyard. Yeeeaaaahhh. That dude rules.

And I got some cool presents! Alayna got me a huge box of green tea and carved me a shooting star stamp and made me this cute letter that has a drawing of little Dante standing next to a normal-sized mushroom! . . . or is it normal-sized Dante and a huge mushroom?? Anyway it’s adorable. And Kelsey brought me purple star balloons and a CB Dictionary and, uh, she gave me her California Advance Directive form wherein she named me Power of Attorney ahead of the surgery she’s having next Monday! So I’m in charge of telling them to pull the plug in the extremely unlikely event that something goes wrong. That’s so sweet! (Thank you Kelsey. I promise I will do the right thing should this ever come to pass, and jesus lord it had better not!!)

Uh!

Here are photos some of the people In Attendance took and sent to me . . . mostly Laura Rokas and Brandon Sheffield! Look at the beautiful chocolate-strawberry cake Laura made for me! Look how cute everyone is playing MARIO KART! I’m wearing eyeliner! Dante and Laura are cute! I love that mushroom Alayna drew!! Those perfect avocados!!

Yes:

Later, after the fire had died down and people started going home, the few of us remaining walked on down to MISSOURI LOUNGE to keep on feeling those things we were feeling. I had brought the pepper gun with me—the pistol-shaped mace gun I had for some reason taken from the bathroom there a week and a half before. I handed it to the bartender and told her I was returning it. She laughed and shook my hand. Kelsey got me a shot and a beer and I sat down with my friends beneath the heat lamps. I looked around at everyone gathered there outside. I put my soul at hazard. I said to myself:

“OK.
I’LL BE
PART OF
THIS WORLD.”

. . . and got the hell on with the thing!! I have not quit it yet.

LISTEN: It was the best birthday I ever had in my whole life. Thanks for being so nice to me, my sweet little friends. God knows I love you!!!!! OK??? ☆彡

the other day laura and i were both watching movies at the exact same time that contained scenes where john goodman discusses coffee

lol yeah